flashing images of captured memories

salam...


nothing much happen
and nothing much to say
just hope this dullness of life
didnt dragged me away
away from the Creator of me.
ameen ya Rabb...


------------


those images kept flashing 
too many times.
i dont know why...


i do miss the time so much though
the time when i was still a kid.
but i was big enough to remember how this life lived.


always has mother to tell stories of her friends
always has father to take her to the 'kedai kopi'.


always have sisters to go to school with 
riding the bicycle.smiling.full of happiness
always there were friends,waiting.to start a day of school together.


and when evening comes,there
she always with mother and father.
there,at their own yard,
yes,it's small but the green scenery of cultivated plants were so nice
so nice that she could always remember it.still remember it.still seeing it.


back at that time,
father was making the plant beds,
mother was planting the seeds,
and there she was watering them.with hopes that they will grow into big big trees.
so mother and father would be happy.and she will be happy.


when she got tired with watering plants,
she would go down a small stream. to cool down her hands and her feet
with the cold refreshing water from the stream.
there she would stay a while.
and there too, she would start her hobby.
to catch for the tiny shrimps.
using only the small shabby old sieved basin given by mother.
but the basin never stops her from trying to catch the shrimps,until she lie flat,fatigue all over.never giving up
because back then,that word almost never once crossed her naive,her innocent,little heart.
the heart that never saddens her up.
to her, everything was bright.


old paklong always like to tease,
'how many udang galah you got today,dont you want to give some to paklong?'
grinning with almost no teeth showed,peeking through the fronds of the coconut tree which he's been trying to get 'nira kelapa' from.
she can only reply with a big grin to old paklong,revealing her smile with a missing front tooth. 
and seeing the sweet smile of her only made old paklong's laughter got louder.merrier.




when the faded sun started to set, slowly
mother would call her name, for its the time to go home,
and she would run happily,hopping around between the beds of sprouts.
and the sky started to turn into double-colored gigantic roof.dusky red with smoke-like grey cloud along the horizon,while keeping the center of the roof still with dusky pale ocean blue.
together,riding side by side with mother,she went home.smiling
as if tiredness didnt affect her at all.still smiling.full of joy.
and she kept smiling.


------------


those images kept flowing through my mind these days.
so clear as if it just had happened yesterday.so vivid.so lively

lost

.
..
...
i was lost.
in despair.
o Allah,
don't let me be further away.
give me strength,
lead me the way.

mencari kekuatan demi ketenangan hati

...
..
.

suffer now or later.

salam.

hari ke3 di AnE.

x byk beza ngan semalam.

cume hari ni ak berjaya cucuk anak org,dan kali ni darah keluar la, of kos! haha.ape lg ak tanpa segan silu, terus sms my sis cik staff nurse kt segamat.

me: yeay, berjaya cucuk amik darah first time

my sis: ok x? smooth x? nnt try la lg.

haha.sembangat betul.xpela semangat2 ni bagus ape.semangat nk belajar. ini aset terpenting bg seorng HO mse buat houseman. xcaya? ni bukan kate ak tp kate yg pakar,yg dh melalui. [Dr. Roslaili dan Dr.Syikin]

arini ak stay kt fever center aka H1N1 zone.die actually a part of AnE jgk. during triage mne2 patient yg ade complain fever tu terus di exclude kesini untuk further investigations of dengue fever or other diseases. but the most common case here is DF. and kuantan is the hot spot for DF outbreaks. ade several deaths kot tp ak xtau la plak exactly bpe.xcheck la plak,this is from what k.elle said.as for us yg grad egypt ni,[insyaAllah la kn] kene la study DF ni betol2 mse HO nnt sbb DF is very very very common, so kne la tau from its phases,symptoms,alarming signs,investigations and how to manage DF case. ak bernaseb baek sbb ade k elle td,so during our free time,ble patient xde k elle terang la secara ringkas all about DF on AnE aspect.tests yg ak bese tgk Doc order suh buat kt DF patients are FBC n DRT. so untuk itu, kene la amik blood sample usu 2cc for each. hmm. kt cni kalo berani cucuk la patient tu amik darah,ak buat2 berani mse 2nd day,2 kali cucuk darah x kuar,mne nk kuar dh xtau care yg betul,ari ni,ade org tunjuk, still ak xnk cucuk patient,kesian.ak cucuk partner yg buat att sekali ngan ak,[ewa la tu]dgn care sterile la, kalo x naya needle prick nnt.dan berjaya la utk kali pertama itu. perlu pract lg.tp stil bukan kt patient kot,heh! so the whole time kt situ, ak abeskn same ade dgn ak observe,dgr Doc amik Hx,@ buat mne2 keje ringan cam topup iv drip, flush blood clot dlm iv line,cabut branula(iv line).

so, ape ak dpt mse att?

hmmm to relate on the title i've mentioned,betul la tu suffer now or later. sekarg kalo korg rajin nk timba skil2 ni bagus.sbb nnt korg xkene herdik lg sbb xtau bende cikai2 ni mse HO.tp ak rse la wajib kene herdik nye mse HO nnt. so,ikut la mne korg nk pilih.belajar skrg @ mse HO nnt,ak x kate ak da belajar sume,x,X,TIDAK SEKALI2.malah rse maken zero bile buat att ni,rse ntah ak lepas jd doc ke x ntah[nauzubillah ak nk jd doc] but the point is, tu la, u pick up skills now or later by hook or by crook or by air mata darah we must pick those skills up and fast also.kene jd fast learner.blaja je ngan sape2,staff nurse ke,MA ke xkesah la janji ko dpt skills die kn.ha,bru org pandang ko sbg doc.

bg ak la,mse HO nnt laen ngan att,kite lg ad peluang nk habeskn byk2 mse kt hospital utk expose dgn sume2 tu kn,so be prepare and jd la fast learner,pickup sume2 skills tu,dan mesti ade semangat nk belajar yg tinggi la.xkire herdik ke maki hamun ke caci cerca ke,mmg kene telan sume.

k.syikin ngan k.elle survive je dgn xpernah buat att,xde basic,mmg start from zero.sume nye sbb, yg ak duk ulang byk kali tu la [ayat bergaris].ni bukan ak reka2 dorg yg bgtau.korg nk caya ke x,ade ak kesah?! :P

so tu je,next plan tgh rangke,nk g JB jalan2 cari enset.da ade enset, sdiri campak masuk washing machine kan.hah! sape suh.k la that's all.roger n out!

p/s: utk perkataan2 italic tu google je iA jumpe.

p/s2: k.elle tq for all ur support! luv u! Dr.syikin u rock la babe! haha!

zero desu!

salam..

hari kedua d HTAA.

-hai2.watashi wa zero desu! seyes rse zero sungguh.zero tahap x ingat.ke negative??? hailaaa..

-sesedap oren cucuk org. kakak patient gomen kudasai!!!!

-doc red zone,sy budak bru belajar.wuuuu~

-Dr.Roslaili aka KAK ELLE.waaaaaaa happy nye jumpe anda haha,lepas ni ajar sy cucuk org ngan set branula yepp!!![Dr. Elle cool la anda dgn kot putih itu!!! salute spring :D ngahaha]

-walopon skrg rse nak give up je tp [ dude xkn mse HO bru nk terkial2? ][walopon pada hakikatnye kite mmg akan terkial2 mse HO nnt,guys dun worry that's just normal,really.. *angguk2 byk kali*]

itu sje.stkt ni

nk tulih panjang2 tp rse mcm xtau nk tulih ape,pd yg bce jgn putus asa buat att ye!!! 

maju medic utk semua. :D

p/s: salam ramadhan kareem.moga rahmat barakah dr Allah melimpahi anda semua di bulan mulia ini.!

p/s2: mohon maaf atas segala slh silap antara conscious @ subconscious ye! jom zero-zero desu! ok?! haha

Allah,anta ghaniy.

salam...

a journey with a troubled heart.

accompanied by a soothing voice of Quran reading.

ya Allah,,

u know everything and we know nothing.

lead me the best way.

and give me strength.

and that's all i need.

O Allah,

anta ghaniy.

mom,get better.really wanna see u. T-T