flashing images of captured memories

salam...


nothing much happen
and nothing much to say
just hope this dullness of life
didnt dragged me away
away from the Creator of me.
ameen ya Rabb...


------------


those images kept flashing 
too many times.
i dont know why...


i do miss the time so much though
the time when i was still a kid.
but i was big enough to remember how this life lived.


always has mother to tell stories of her friends
always has father to take her to the 'kedai kopi'.


always have sisters to go to school with 
riding the bicycle.smiling.full of happiness
always there were friends,waiting.to start a day of school together.


and when evening comes,there
she always with mother and father.
there,at their own yard,
yes,it's small but the green scenery of cultivated plants were so nice
so nice that she could always remember it.still remember it.still seeing it.


back at that time,
father was making the plant beds,
mother was planting the seeds,
and there she was watering them.with hopes that they will grow into big big trees.
so mother and father would be happy.and she will be happy.


when she got tired with watering plants,
she would go down a small stream. to cool down her hands and her feet
with the cold refreshing water from the stream.
there she would stay a while.
and there too, she would start her hobby.
to catch for the tiny shrimps.
using only the small shabby old sieved basin given by mother.
but the basin never stops her from trying to catch the shrimps,until she lie flat,fatigue all over.never giving up
because back then,that word almost never once crossed her naive,her innocent,little heart.
the heart that never saddens her up.
to her, everything was bright.


old paklong always like to tease,
'how many udang galah you got today,dont you want to give some to paklong?'
grinning with almost no teeth showed,peeking through the fronds of the coconut tree which he's been trying to get 'nira kelapa' from.
she can only reply with a big grin to old paklong,revealing her smile with a missing front tooth. 
and seeing the sweet smile of her only made old paklong's laughter got louder.merrier.




when the faded sun started to set, slowly
mother would call her name, for its the time to go home,
and she would run happily,hopping around between the beds of sprouts.
and the sky started to turn into double-colored gigantic roof.dusky red with smoke-like grey cloud along the horizon,while keeping the center of the roof still with dusky pale ocean blue.
together,riding side by side with mother,she went home.smiling
as if tiredness didnt affect her at all.still smiling.full of joy.
and she kept smiling.


------------


those images kept flowing through my mind these days.
so clear as if it just had happened yesterday.so vivid.so lively

lost

.
..
...
i was lost.
in despair.
o Allah,
don't let me be further away.
give me strength,
lead me the way.

mencari kekuatan demi ketenangan hati

...
..
.

suffer now or later.

salam.

hari ke3 di AnE.

x byk beza ngan semalam.

cume hari ni ak berjaya cucuk anak org,dan kali ni darah keluar la, of kos! haha.ape lg ak tanpa segan silu, terus sms my sis cik staff nurse kt segamat.

me: yeay, berjaya cucuk amik darah first time

my sis: ok x? smooth x? nnt try la lg.

haha.sembangat betul.xpela semangat2 ni bagus ape.semangat nk belajar. ini aset terpenting bg seorng HO mse buat houseman. xcaya? ni bukan kate ak tp kate yg pakar,yg dh melalui. [Dr. Roslaili dan Dr.Syikin]

arini ak stay kt fever center aka H1N1 zone.die actually a part of AnE jgk. during triage mne2 patient yg ade complain fever tu terus di exclude kesini untuk further investigations of dengue fever or other diseases. but the most common case here is DF. and kuantan is the hot spot for DF outbreaks. ade several deaths kot tp ak xtau la plak exactly bpe.xcheck la plak,this is from what k.elle said.as for us yg grad egypt ni,[insyaAllah la kn] kene la study DF ni betol2 mse HO nnt sbb DF is very very very common, so kne la tau from its phases,symptoms,alarming signs,investigations and how to manage DF case. ak bernaseb baek sbb ade k elle td,so during our free time,ble patient xde k elle terang la secara ringkas all about DF on AnE aspect.tests yg ak bese tgk Doc order suh buat kt DF patients are FBC n DRT. so untuk itu, kene la amik blood sample usu 2cc for each. hmm. kt cni kalo berani cucuk la patient tu amik darah,ak buat2 berani mse 2nd day,2 kali cucuk darah x kuar,mne nk kuar dh xtau care yg betul,ari ni,ade org tunjuk, still ak xnk cucuk patient,kesian.ak cucuk partner yg buat att sekali ngan ak,[ewa la tu]dgn care sterile la, kalo x naya needle prick nnt.dan berjaya la utk kali pertama itu. perlu pract lg.tp stil bukan kt patient kot,heh! so the whole time kt situ, ak abeskn same ade dgn ak observe,dgr Doc amik Hx,@ buat mne2 keje ringan cam topup iv drip, flush blood clot dlm iv line,cabut branula(iv line).

so, ape ak dpt mse att?

hmmm to relate on the title i've mentioned,betul la tu suffer now or later. sekarg kalo korg rajin nk timba skil2 ni bagus.sbb nnt korg xkene herdik lg sbb xtau bende cikai2 ni mse HO.tp ak rse la wajib kene herdik nye mse HO nnt. so,ikut la mne korg nk pilih.belajar skrg @ mse HO nnt,ak x kate ak da belajar sume,x,X,TIDAK SEKALI2.malah rse maken zero bile buat att ni,rse ntah ak lepas jd doc ke x ntah[nauzubillah ak nk jd doc] but the point is, tu la, u pick up skills now or later by hook or by crook or by air mata darah we must pick those skills up and fast also.kene jd fast learner.blaja je ngan sape2,staff nurse ke,MA ke xkesah la janji ko dpt skills die kn.ha,bru org pandang ko sbg doc.

bg ak la,mse HO nnt laen ngan att,kite lg ad peluang nk habeskn byk2 mse kt hospital utk expose dgn sume2 tu kn,so be prepare and jd la fast learner,pickup sume2 skills tu,dan mesti ade semangat nk belajar yg tinggi la.xkire herdik ke maki hamun ke caci cerca ke,mmg kene telan sume.

k.syikin ngan k.elle survive je dgn xpernah buat att,xde basic,mmg start from zero.sume nye sbb, yg ak duk ulang byk kali tu la [ayat bergaris].ni bukan ak reka2 dorg yg bgtau.korg nk caya ke x,ade ak kesah?! :P

so tu je,next plan tgh rangke,nk g JB jalan2 cari enset.da ade enset, sdiri campak masuk washing machine kan.hah! sape suh.k la that's all.roger n out!

p/s: utk perkataan2 italic tu google je iA jumpe.

p/s2: k.elle tq for all ur support! luv u! Dr.syikin u rock la babe! haha!

zero desu!

salam..

hari kedua d HTAA.

-hai2.watashi wa zero desu! seyes rse zero sungguh.zero tahap x ingat.ke negative??? hailaaa..

-sesedap oren cucuk org. kakak patient gomen kudasai!!!!

-doc red zone,sy budak bru belajar.wuuuu~

-Dr.Roslaili aka KAK ELLE.waaaaaaa happy nye jumpe anda haha,lepas ni ajar sy cucuk org ngan set branula yepp!!![Dr. Elle cool la anda dgn kot putih itu!!! salute spring :D ngahaha]

-walopon skrg rse nak give up je tp [ dude xkn mse HO bru nk terkial2? ][walopon pada hakikatnye kite mmg akan terkial2 mse HO nnt,guys dun worry that's just normal,really.. *angguk2 byk kali*]

itu sje.stkt ni

nk tulih panjang2 tp rse mcm xtau nk tulih ape,pd yg bce jgn putus asa buat att ye!!! 

maju medic utk semua. :D

p/s: salam ramadhan kareem.moga rahmat barakah dr Allah melimpahi anda semua di bulan mulia ini.!

p/s2: mohon maaf atas segala slh silap antara conscious @ subconscious ye! jom zero-zero desu! ok?! haha

Allah,anta ghaniy.

salam...

a journey with a troubled heart.

accompanied by a soothing voice of Quran reading.

ya Allah,,

u know everything and we know nothing.

lead me the best way.

and give me strength.

and that's all i need.

O Allah,

anta ghaniy.

mom,get better.really wanna see u. T-T

the last day

it's the last day.

my last day.

coz tomorrow i'll be going.

i'll be going home.

yeay! [p-chan style]

------

doakan keselamatan sy on flying tomorrow.

doakan sy selamat sampai.

insyaAllah.ameen.

------

tp still sy sibuk duk berblog,walopon sy x siap kemas lg.ngee :D

bg la can,sbb nnt sy nk buat hiatus lame2. ;)

------

a friend is something.

demo ne,a friend is not everything.

cherish them as they cherish ur presence.

love them as they love u juz the way u r.

------

suke dgr lg ni mgkn sbb falcon.hehe

[gomen,minna san.boleh ignore je]

ja mata ne..

mode: missing everyone T-T

gomen kudasai=ana asif giddan

salam

takat didih sy rendah mungkin.

sila jgn melepasi limit itu.

kalo x naye.

ya Allah tinggikan takat didih ak.

hari ini...

ak tau satu bende.

or rather knowing its realizing i think.

i realized 1 thing

------

im a pressure cooker

or

im not a pressure cooker,

put stress on me,i hold back.suppress

put more stress on me.

i snapped.

worse,i dont even care who that was.

bad?yeah my bad.

i have limitations.

its not good.dame2!!!

p/s: its not good to be a pressure cooker.

sawang.

salam...

29.07.10...

bru jejak jr ke keyboard utk jengah blog.

hurmm quite a long hiatus i made.

haha penangan paper2 terakhir final.

dan alhamdulillah final telah pon bertitik noktah.

yg tinggal tawakal dan doa.

insyaAllah kheir.itu aje yg ak pinta.

------

being alone is pain.

being alone is despair.

adeh walopon tau bukan ditinggalkan utk selamanya tp 

yes i hate being alone.

or is it actually,

i like being among them.

shiawase it brings.

well either way,ima wa i felt i was left behind.

gahahha nande sore? ak mule mengarut.sbb kawan2 da pulang ke msia.

ak x pulang?

bukan...

belum sampai mse.

im about to fly on 4th Aug that is next month.

and dont worry coz i wont do anything weird until then.hehe ;)

-----

and then,

ima wa, im about to make a decision.

quite a big one.

but i cannot spill it here.

thought that i need to talk to that one person before i tell anybody else.

and i dont know why i felt that way,

haha jgn risau.bukan bende besar pon dan bukan isu nk kawen ye encik khairi ! ;) :p hehe

and to that person,

really, i need to tell.

do reply me.

onegai~

-----

kpd kawan2 L.O.R.D SAPPHIRE dan rakan seperjuangan Alex U

selamat menjalani summer holiday '10.

manfaatkan waktu lapang yg diberi.

agar waktu sempit x mengundang sesal di hati.

(pesanan khidmat masyarakat utk diri sdiri)

ja mata ne.minna san!

i am...

i am...

who i am...

they say im bias

do i?

they say i treat others unequally

do i?

they say i am a hypocrite

do i?

they say "you're bad at this"

i say "im bad at everything"

and as i say it,

i ask myself "do i?"

...

have faith in urself

would ya?

never stop in believing urself

would ya?

coz

they'll never know

let alone to understand

until u,urself

prove to them

that they r wrong

that U R STRONG

stronger than they thought

stronger u've became

stronger u'll become

...

hey u,

just look deep inside me,

what u'll see

is merely nothing

yet

what u've seen

is nothing other than

the true me

...

i am

what i am

i am

who i am

i am...

in this life...

in this life...

how much would u give

how much would u take

how much would u believe in ur instinct

how much would u believe in ur judgement

and i just asked

how much would u suffer the pain of failure

how much would u keep going further

just how much more would u keep on fighting

...

and u'll never know

how much u can

but one thing for sure

u'll never make it

if u stop trying

...

~life's never easy.if u think it is difficult~

neon lights.night.

looking outside the car's window.

such a refreshing view.

tranquil it brings.

and i keep looking.

coz it brings such a wonderful feeling.

neon lights and night.

and their smiling faces come to mind.

neon lights and night.

juz as wonderful as the cool breeze that sooth the soul.

neon lights and night.

make me want to fly to that place in no time.

neon lights abd night.
nostalgic it is...

hyaaa~ want to go back crazily already!

but...ok! Para next! 

p/s: all the best mates! moto ganbatte mashou!
p/s lg: pic credit to flickr sape punye ntah. they r terengganu @ night views! :D

On9 manga readers! kyaaa~

salam...

kyaaaaaaaaa~

i found new honto sugoiii thing today!!!

you know what was the most annoying thing about reading comic online is?

as for me: it's when u wanna turn to the next page!

gaaa~

---loading...---

20%..

56%..

99.998%..[exaggerating!]

haha pd yg tenet laju mybe xde effect,

tp kalo tenet egypt cap ayam neh,heh~

haha..~

there's this one sugoi adds on for firefox browser.

the FastestFox adds on.

by installing this u'll be able to load the next page while reading the current page.

juz by scrolling u'll turn to the next one?

got me? it'll appear like this

hehe.see!

so u'll not be a slow reader anymore! 

remember juz scroll down to the next page :D!

p/s: actually it has other features as well. 

such as enhanced search speed.and many more [yg sy pon xtaw ngee :D]

ok! so yg bukan on9 manga readers pon boleh gune je adds on nie.ngee

p/s lg: i am not a die hard fan on on9 manga, but with this i could be one,gaaa :D

p/s lg lg:

 with

FastestFox!

all u need to say is...syukr lillah~

it's been quite a while since i last heard someone [whether at the market or a grocery store] reply my syukran with "syukr lillah".

and the words doesn't lose it's effect on me a bit.

it did make me smile.

it did make me want to say...

syukr lillah from the bottom of my heart.

though it's just a simple-two-words-phrase.

it did made me realize.

that in what ever matters,

to be thankful to Him.

always.

in every single thing.

and i thank Allah,

for always led me the best way.

to give guidance,

n never let us go astray.

O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you, and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him you worship. (Al-Baqara, 172)

p/s: it's not just a simple-two-word-phrase, it does make me reflect myself~ Alhamdulillah~

Falling Flower Rock [korean folktale]

salam...

of all the short stories we take during our primary school years,

this is the one that i remember the most.

do you still remember the story?

Falling Flower Rock

 the cliff of NakHwaAm (FallFlowerCliff/Boulder/Rock) today..

view from above the cliff.

where the brave court mistresses took their flight.

<--the rock cliff.

     where the 'flower falls'.

 

serve the japanese Tang king.

or die honourly.

they chose to die honourly by jumping off this cliff.

~i did try to find the cover picture used for our 1ry school short story book but i couldnt find it anywhere heh~gomenn

~for those who cant recall it,here's a bit of a refreshment...

In 660, the southeastern kingdom of Silla, with its capital at Gyeongju, determined to end the warfare of Three Kingdoms Period, once and for all. Silla and its ally, Tang China, launched a two-pronged invasion of Baekje. The allied force, led by legendary Silla commander Kim Yu-sin and great Chinese general Su Dingfang (who would later earn glory expanding Chinese influence in Central Asia), defeated Baekje’s army (led by the tragically heroic General Gyebaek) at the Battle of Hwangsanbeol and laid siege to the royal capital of Sabi, modern Buyeo.

King Uija and the crown prince managed to escape to Ungjin,modern Gongju, but the rest of the court took protection behind the walls of Buso Fortress. There was nothing the defenders could do, however, and the fortress fell. The Samguk Yusa, an ancient history book, accounts that, rather than surrender themselves to the Silla and Chinese troops, some 3,000 court ladies leapt to their deaths from Nakwa-am, their fluttering robes resembling falling flower petals as they crashed into the waves of the Baengma River below.

p/s: as usual its just another of i-cant-help-it thing.hehe gomennasai minna san~

kenapa mesti 5???sket2 sudaa

salam..
cik ten,nape mesti sblm exam anat.haha
eyh2 ko xsaket lak exam anat kali nie :p (Allah nk bg nikmat sehat alhamdulillah)

5 brand that you like the most

ayambrand dan anak pinaknye esp tuna salmon spread waaaa!

5 countries that you want to go
mecca n medina

jepun (nk jumpe ohno famili.sbb sy chiyo ohno :p)

uk (nk tgk castles,weee)

atlantis

middle earth
 
5 countries that you do not want to go
1 cukup.zion!

5 item that you like the most
casio watch
lappy

(stkt ni,ni je harte ak ade,ade enset cmpk lam washing machine) 

5 people that you love the most

mok

arwah ayoh

arwah che (tokki)

arwah tokwan

loong 

tie 

naa 

chah 

pitty

kirah

ksu

dan kamu ;)

5 people that you hate the most
ppl who dont love other ppl

5 color that you like the most
pink

kelabu

hijau

oren

hitam

5 color that you dislike the most?
have richness in ur life with colors :p

5 things that you dream the most (InsyaALLAH)

syurga

jd anak soleh

jumpe ayah (disana)

be with mom (now!)

cardiothoracic surgeon (tp mcm dh nk beralih arah ke neuro daa hehe :D)

5 of your positive character.

i can make 1st move

i talk quite much

i can crack jokes (sometimes,ohh ke xde?? haha)

i can listen 

im not perfect.but im working towards perfectness

5 of your negative character

moody

i get angry quite easy sometime

loner  sometime 

stern face (bole kira?)

easyly falling in judging ppl without intending to do so! (T-T) (hate this 100x) muhasabah2!

5 moments that you miss the most
arwah ayah balek keje wat balek kek bday,kami adek beradik lari2 anak ikut ayah.(T-T) huhu how i miss those times.miss u ayah~

ayah's joke when seeing my spm result: "Allah, kosong A??" with big grin in his lip.huuu~ (i hate the fact that i just can show u that.i want to show u more.but i knoe Allah knows)

when im the lil girl sitting next to him @ kedai kopi sipping sweet hot teh tarek.

siram pokok2 kacang kt kebun ngan mak ngan ayah

kayuh basikal petang2 pegi balek kebun
 
5 moments that you do not want to remember at all?

 ayah's word: when im not around remember,u still have ur Abg mat. [we were in the car on the way to school,i never really want to listen to that becoz i thought u'll always be around]

1st year,final sem 1,sehari sebelum paper commed.u left me.

the rebel kid ive been when ur still around.how i regret doing that to u,ayah.

not listening to u.i thought i still have the next time.but again we knoe nothing and He knows everything

[though i didnt want to remember those things,these will remain deep inside me.as long as i still barely breathing.as long as this broken heart beating.]

 
5 positive characters of your best buddy

who's my best buddy? gahaha

crack jokes (like me gaaa)

suke mapuh(bce ngan intonasi yg betul ye!)

openminded

understands when others totally dont have a clue

she would not need explainations,she rather juz smile

[why im smiling while im typing this?becoz i miss her.mak miss u~]

5 things that you happy to do the most  

surf the net 

hanging out with frens (not just for killing the time wastefully but rather having some good talk with them,sharing)

listen to songs (i cant drop this habit yet) 

listen to life experiences (some experiences that can stimulate urself)

 
5 things that you regret the most
regretting is not good.oke? redha.i have never regret on what had happen coz they all have been stated. u cannot change it. but u can make sure whats the best way to deal with it.

Favorite animal?
gemok(kucing).he kissed me.hehe

Favorite quote?
quote dkt blog.atas skli font kaler pink.dan sume kate2 tokoh besar itu.

Favorite actor?

heh? haha satoshi ohno (haha bias2)

DanR

Vincent kartheiser

will smith (pursuit of happiness)

osamu mukai?? 

Favorite actress?
maki chan

Favorite things that you do when you are alone?

reminiscing 
 
Favorite website?

heh? anything that gave somthing beneficial?

Favorite moment
moment that taught me somthing about life

Favorite sport?

ohh sy bukan atlet juge bukan sportswoman.this is my weakest part.haha

Favorite vegetable?

sory to say i hate vegie.hee

Favorite comedies
teenage angel (mati sbb mkn burger expired then jd angel kwn baek die heh!)

p/s: sy xtag sesape.tp yg membace.haahaa.feel free to do this.after exam kot. *wink2* 

 seishun amigo for my amigas ngee :D

 
translation seishun amigo...

Kame: Echoing out, at the ring of my cellphone.
A premonition passed through my head.
Just calm down, mi amigo.

Yamapi: So pitiful, I need your help.
Those guys are after me.
I might not make it, mi amigo.

Both: As if to tear us apart, the phone died...
Si, we have always been the two of us, as one.
Undefeated in our neighborhood, weren't we?
Si, we have long since long ago been admired in this town.
Weve lived believing that.
I wonder why....
That scenery you remember, the beautiful sky on the day
we set off, embrace it...

Kame: When I reached the dark alley,slumped over,
he was there. I didn't make it in time... I'm sorry.

Yamapi: I'm done for. Everythings changed. I can't
fulfil the promise we made that day, but just that you
came, I'm happy.

Both: I strongly held your trembling hand...
Si, in those days we, in the city we arrived at,
felt as if we could have anything.
Si, abandoning our hometown, chasing great dreams,
we lived laughing. And for a future that from here on
would never change. To go chasing after that was
our dream.

Both: As if to tear us apart, the phone died...
Si, we have always been the two of us, as one.
Undefeated in our neighborhood, weren't we?
Si, we have long since long ago been admired in this town.
Weve lived believing that.
I wonder why....
That scenery you remember, the beautiful sky on the day
we set off, embrace it...