i envy u.i hate u?

because all the things that u said is true.

please stop being nice to me too.

because i just cant help it but hating u.

i hate it the most

when u try to boss me around

making me do something that i don't want to.

but indeed it's the thing that i have to do.

i hate it the most,even more than the most

when u try your best to put up with me

this hateful me,

the very hateful me.

and i never appreciate it

the things that you've been doing to me,

because every time you do it,

i just kept hating u more n more,

because i envy u.



i envy the way you make me see
the mistakes in me.

psycho vs strong subconscious mind

salam
                                                                                             

have u ever been thru a situation like this?:

you cannot recall doing something, at all. it's not that you forgot, it's totally something else. it's like you've never did the deed.i have.few days ago.many would not believe.and i don't mind.
and the story goes like this,

it's about a few dollars that a friend would like to lend to me.i refuse.she insist. still i refuse (nicely of course,but this is not the point here)so subconsciously i refuse or don't want the money.then she left that on my study desk.i noticed it.i even picked it and count it and i remember putting it back.on the desk.with the thought "ohh nantilah pk.nk guna ke x." deep inside i did refuse to take it.
and then it's the next morning.i remember about it.the few dollars on my desk.but it's gone. i try to look for it like crazy, here and there everywhere. i even speculate that maybe she took back the few dollars (i know how bad i was at that time and i'm truly sorry) and with other silly speculations like mybe the wind blew them off,or  maybe a thief got into my room and took them(even to this extent) but i never recalled that i gave back the few dollars. i was struck when she came and told me "sampai ati" me: "sampai ati ape?" she:"sampai ati pulangkan duit yg **** bagi" and me, with the expression of the-most-severe-terkejut-beruk-i've-ever-felt i said "sy pulangkan??"
---ok, the story ends here---

what's being my concern is how did this happened? i didnt bluff when i said that i cannot recalled doing such thing,getting the few notes from my room to hers. yet how did the few notes goes to her then? deeply deeply i try to think. and it freak me out when i come to this two possibilities, it's either:
a) my subconscious mind was so strong and so influencing the conscious mind that i happened to do that unintentionally, without any memory of doing it.
conscious mind says: just let the money there think later, vs subconsciously: i refuse to take any money from others.
b)i was a psycho, i did give back the money because subconsciously i refuse to keep it.and i distort reality.so i dont or cant remember doing it.

O_o

                                                                                                                                                                                           
and now, i still cant remember it,even a slightest bit of it.
what have happened to me???

kembar saya

salam
                                                                                                   


tiba-tiba teringat
dekat kembar sy
mungkin sebab dia yang sy paling susah nak jumpa
dan yang paling lama sy tak jumpa
rindu dia
kembar sy

                                                                                                   

kembar sy...@kindergarten
waktu tu sy 4 dia 5
dia nk masuk tadika, sy pon nk msk tadika. maklumla kembar sy.
waktu tu buat semua bende pon same-same. balek pegi sekolah pon same-same.
lari dari rumah pon same-same :D
lepas 2 tahun,sy 6 dia 7. dia kne masuk darjah 1. sy?
sy msk prasekolah.dekat sekolah same.

kembar sy...@secondary school
sy form 1,dia form 2.walopon dh menginjak dewasa,kami masih same-same. masih ke sekolah same-same.
ponteng sekolah sebab nk ke pekan pon same-same.of course terkantoi dengan mak pon same-same.
haha mmg dia kembar sy.
kalo jln dengan dia ke kelas, ade je org akan tanye
"eh eh kembar eh?"
eh? serupa ke ktrg ni? mula-mula jawab je " eh tak la.adik beradik"
tapi kalo dh mcm setiap kali je kne tanye soklan same, ktrg jawab je: " a ah kembar"
haha rindu saat itu.saat kami mmg seperti kembar,kemana saja mesti berdua. ;)

kembar sy...@highschool
sy ke PC, dia form 5.kat sekolah lama sy.
ktrg dh tak selalu buat apa-apa same-same. but the fact that she's kembar sy still not change.
kami kongsi cerita msg-msg.cerita dia di sekolah lama. cerita sy di PC.
semua kami kongsi,dari boyband fave sampai ke first crush puppy love.kekeke

kembar sy...
-birthday dia: 28 Jan.which is just several days after mine.oleh itu, kami salu la berkongsi bday cake yg same. and i always missing it.the moment that we shared.together.
-kembar sy..selalu dibuli.and i was the bully.walopon dia yg tua.tp dia selalu mengalah.dengan kembar dia,yg muda.hehe
-kembar sy..suka pakai skirt,rambut panjang.sgt kontra dengan kembar dia.
-kembar sy..dalam hati ada taman.kalo tgk movie touching sket,satu baldi air mata dia.kekeke

walopon kami bukan kembar original,
bg sy,dia tetap kembar sy...

:minta maaf,entri lalutan ini hanya kerana sy rindu kembar sy. hehe